


Dicks Are Not Weapons! (Except When They Are)

by AngelCuttingOnions



Series: Trans Avengers Club. (We only have two members but we’re badass so fuck off) [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Is So Done, Bucky n o, Ceiling Vent Clint Barton, Clint takes his nuggets seriously, Food Fight to the Death, Gen, Human Disaster Clint Barton, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, It’s Fine Though, Trans Clint Barton, minor stabbing, packers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 04:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19099534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelCuttingOnions/pseuds/AngelCuttingOnions
Summary: “He took my chicken nuggets and I got offended. It distracted him long enough for me to grab my nuggets while he screamed, it’s like he hasn’t seen a disembodied dick before or something.”





	Dicks Are Not Weapons! (Except When They Are)

There is one constant fact of the Avengers Compound. There is a bag of chicken nuggets in the freezer at the compound at all times. That bag of chicken nuggets belongs to Clint Barton and only Clint Barton. If anyone else even speaks of them, there will be great pain brought upon them. Yet for some reason, no one thought to inform one James Buchanan Barnes of this fact. 

It was a rainy Friday afternoon, everyone was in their own rooms, or at least away from everyone else. Bucky was getting hungry, and figured he’d make something to eat as a snack before dinner. He made his way to the kitchen and started rummaging through the fridge and freezer. 

The only decent thing he was actually in the mood for was chicken nuggets. Those same chicken nuggets would soon bring his doom. He pulled the bag from the freezer, preheated the oven, and started to look for a baking pan to set the nuggets in. He worked quietly and quickly, wanting to escape to his own room before anyone tried to strike up a conversation. 

There was a small clang he recognized as the sound of the vent cover being removed. Why no one thought to add hinges to assist the archer in his... nesting? He wasn’t sure. Clint let out a yell, and something entered his sight on his right side, but it was too late to react. “DON’T TOUCH THE NUGGETS YOU BITCH.” A flaccid penis and ballsack hit him directly on the cheek. 

He did not scream. He didn’t. No matter what anyone else said. (What do you mean Friday recorded it?!) Bucky does not scream at penises. He slipped his one inch blade from his sleeve, preparing for a fight. Clint ran at him full speed, successfully knocking him off balance when he made contact. He drove the blade into Clint’s thigh, making sure not to hit anything too important. 

Clint completely ignored the blade sticking out of his leg as he grabbed the bag of nuggets and broke into a run. He quickly disappeared back into the ceiling vents, not to be seen by Bucky until Sunday. 

***

**[Clint] Darling. Honeykins. Light of my life. Could u please grab my dick for me? I’m in the vents.**

**[Clint] Oh also can u grab a medical kit? I need stitches.**

**[Spider-Mom] Did you leave it in your bedroom?**

**[Clint] Nope. Kitchen floor.**

**[Spider-Mom] Do I want to know?**

**[Clint] pls hurry, my leggy hurts :(**

***

When he was properly stitched up, and his dick was back where it belonged, Natasha smacked him upside the head before slithering out of the vents, bag of chicken nuggets in hand. They would soon be back in the freezer where they belonged.


End file.
